Not Lost Forever: My Story of Survival
Selected Book Details
- Hardcover
- Author: Carmina Salcido, Steve Jackson
- Publisher: William Morrow
- Release Date: October 2009
- ISBN-10: 0061210056
- ISBN-13: 9780061210051
- List Price: $25.99
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Summaries and Customer Reviews provided by Amazon
Summary
On April 14, 1989, for reasons still debated today, Mexican immigrant RamÓn Salcido went on a violent rampage in the idyllic Sonoma Valley wine country where he lived and worked. In the course of just two hours, he killed his wife, Angela, her two younger sisters, his mother-in-law, and the man with whom he suspected Angela was having an affair. He then slashed the throats of his three young daughters—four-year-old Sophia, three-year-old Carmina, and twenty-two-month-old Teresa—leaving them for dead in the county dump. A little more than a day later, the bodies of his daughters were discovered. Miraculously, tiny Carmina was still alive and able to tell her rescuers, "My daddy cut me." In Not Lost Forever, Carmina Salcido explores the events surrounding these headline-making murders with extraordinary clarity and composure. Reaching back to understand the events that traumatized her in childhood—and weaving them together with the recollections of detectives and witnesses—she reconstructs the story of her father's crimes, and their aftermath, in sobering detail. Yet Carmina's story doesn't end there. Those who remember her as the tiny victim of these murders will also be shocked by what followed: how she was adopted by a Catholic extremist family who tried to change her name and bury her past; how she tried to escape their sheltering influence by joining a Carmelite convent and then a ranch for troubled girls; and how the psychological trials she endured along the way nearly broke her spirit—until, at last, she found peace by turning to the one relative still alive to share her grief: her grandfather. As a young woman, Carmina returned to California to share her experiences and discover the family that was brutally taken from her. The devout Catholic also returned to look into her father's eyes on death row and confront the man who took away her entire family. With clear-eyed candor, courage, and grace, this brave young woman takes readers along on her miraculous journey of survival, discovery, and hope. |
Customer Reviews
Average Rating: 
Not Lost Forever
Rating:
Thank you for having the courage to write this book. I found it very heart breaking at times to keep reading. I believe you have done a wonderful job in putting the pieces back together again. It is very hard to know how others are feeling. I feel that you did a wonderful job and really tried to be as honest as you could about different matters. I found the book very intesting read. Like I said there were times when I was so dis-hearted, but I really wanted to see what you had to say. A good read.
Horrifying crime followed by a tough childhood--a sad book
Rating: 
I had never heard before of the terrible murder spree committed by Carmina Salcido's father, in which he killed 7 people, including 4 children, and tried to kill Carmina. She survived, and this book tells of her life before and after the crimes occurred. The first half or so of the book follows a true crime kind of pattern---profiling the people involved, telling of the crimes and following the capture of the criminal and his trial. It was hard to read about the awful details of what Ramon Salcido did, especially what the 2 year old Carmina could remember. When she was found alive against all odds, the Sonoma Valley community did all they could for her, donating much money to a trust fund, giving her presents and toys and a huge outpouring of love. All was done hoping she could have the happy ever after life she deserved, but that was not to be. Her grandfather was overwhelmed by the task of caring for her, and gave her up to adoption to a family that belonged, as he did, to a fringe cult connected with the Catholic church. There she was isolated, not educated (her home-schooling never really occured much), told she was a bad person and generally lived an unhappy childhood. The trust fund money was all used by her adoptive parents. As a way to escape, Carmina joined a convent, but her demons haunted her there, and she left, and went to a "ranch" program for troubled kids, although she had not done anything that would cause her to have to be there. The life on that ranch is one of the most upsetting parts of the book, and I certainly hope it's changed since then. At last, she returns to her childhood home and confronts her father, and realizes he is not capable of true remorse and in fact is still cruel to her (he is on death row in prison). All around, not a lot of happy endings here. This book could be in a way a cautionary tale of how society sends outpourings of love and money after a tragedy, but has a short attention span---it's so sad to think that Carmina was denied at least a happy childhood. I am not sure what a take-home message from this book should be, and perhaps that makes it more truthful than many books of this type, which try to draw a close to their story at the end, complete with uplifting sentiment. It was a tough read due to this, but a worthy one.
Very well-written recounting of a supremely tragic life story.
Rating:
Carmina Salcido's story is one that has an unfathomably tragic beginning, and only seems to have started on the upswing in recent years. Her story, as she has written it here, is therefore very absorbing, but still supremely depressing.
Upon reading how she lost the better part of her family, I found myself thinking, "well, it HAS to get better from here!", yet somehow, it doesn't. Carmina went from a tumultuous early childhood, effectively ended by her father, and segued into just as difficult an early young adulthood. She was adopted by a deeply religious couple whose sole concern seems to only have been for keeping up appearances, while emotionally abusing an already tortured child. But her life improves after she leaves them, right? Well, briefly, then it takes yet another turn for the worse, during her time at a ranch worked by troubled girls, which she was immediately taken to be one of, instead of the employed ranch hand that she expected to become.
Overall, when I first picked this book up, I immediately found myself sucked in to the recounting of Carmina's tale, and found it difficult to put down. The visual details that are written in here are very evocative, and almost make you feel as if you're there, for better or worse. But after so much tumult and so many torturous experiences, I found myself dreading the read of the next terrible event, even as I felt compelled to continue to the end of the story. No wonder Carmina felt so plagued by the shadow people she was sure she was seeing, in addition to the suicidal feelings she was having.
Thankfully, by the end of the tale, her story takes a turn for the better. She finds family members that happily take her in, and give her the love and care that she's so desperately needed and deserved all of her life, and the sun begins to shine through the clouds that had hung over her head for so many long, long years.
I don't know that I can say that I really and truly enjoyed reading about all of the horrid events that befell Carmina Salcido, but I can say that I'm deeply happy that her life has started on a happier, more loving path. For an individual who has experienced so much terror and unhappiness in her short life, I am hoping that all that falls into her life from this point on, is happiness and sunshine. If this autobiography doesn't evoke SOME sort of emotion in you, you must be made of stone.
A rare perspective
Rating:
This book offers a rare view from the eyes of a survivor. It is worth reading because of the pure first-hand view, but I found it rambled on quite a bit sometimes. If you like having every detail of scenery and backgrounds of minor characters, go for it. I don't and therefore, cannot give this book 5 stars. There was just too much 'blah-blah-blah' for my taste. It was a nice feature for the actual nitty-gritty crime scene stuff and to get a glimpse, perhaps, of what she went through.
Tragic Story, Great Read
Rating:
Although my heart breaks for what this young woman has gone through, it's an excellent read.
Viewing history from the perspective of the victim is different from reading newspaper accounts or watching news reports about the case.
Most people over a certain age know of this case, but few people know the whole story.
I didn't know anything about the specific type of religion that Carmina, her mother and other maternal relatives were brought up in.
I sincerely hope that Carminas' life continues to improve and that she experiences all of the love, trust and joy that it lacked for so many years.
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