Lament for a Son
Selected Book Details
- Paperback
- Edition: 1
- Author: Nicholas Wolterstorff
- Publisher: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company
- Release Date: July 1987
- ISBN-10: 080280294X
- ISBN-13: 9780802802941
- List Price: $12.00
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Summaries and Customer Reviews provided by Amazon
Summary"Read this book with a sense of wonder, for you will visit in hushed silence in the cathedral where also dwells the Suffering Savior, the arena where a thoughtful man continues to referee the inner struggle between pain of death".-V. Gilbert Beers. |
Customer Reviews
Average Rating: 
Wonderful, amazing book!
Rating:
My pastor recommended this book to me and I am so happy he did. I read it about seven or eight months after my daughter passed away from SIDS. She was only 4 and a half months old and our hearts, of course were broken. I feel the initial shock is the hardest part and I think he felt the same with his son. The book was at times hard to read, but comforting at the same time. Losing a child is something a parent never thinks they will have to go through and when you do you need to know you are not alone in your feelings and thoughts and this book did that for me. Thank you Nicholas and God Bless!
Peerless
Rating:
This little book is the one I reached for when a friend lost a son at age 21. It's only one of over a dozen that I read following the loss of my wife at age 40. I can't add too much to the glowing comments of other reviewers, but please note the one thing that is most important about "Lament for a Son" - it speaks to the heart. If you are experiencing loss, it speaks most of what your own heart will speak, either now or down the road. And if you know someone who has been blindsided by sudden loss, and you want to understand something of what that friend is experiencing, read this book. The first time through won't take that long - it's the repeated re-reads that takes so much time! But with each re-read, you'll connect better with that aching in your soul. Note, I'm not saying you'll feel less pain - that's not the object of grieving. You will hate death more, grieve more honestly, and feel more properly alien to this world of disappointment and separation. Only One can rescue us, and thank God He is both willing and able!
moving and meaningful
Rating:
I purchased this book after the recent death of a young man dear to our family, and it did not disappoint. Many of the author's observations spoke directly to my own situation, feelings and observations. At a time when the sorrow of our situation threatened to be overwhelming, this book was a lifeline.
The Closeness of the Far Away
Rating:
After reading Nicholas Wolterstorff's 'Lament For A Son', I realize just how little I really know and can feel about the experience of death of a close relative. Even though I spent a good part of my last year at college hearing the cries of my land lady following her son's suicide, the words of Wolterstoff tell of an experience that is well beyond my capacity to truly understand. Now I know that phrases like 'he is in a better place' or 'I know how you are feeling' are best left unspoken.
Wolterstorff's son Eric was a venturesome young man who excelled at college and had a bright future ahead of him. Entering college as a National Merit Scholar- a stellar student in science and mathematics- but eventually turning to art history, it was his love for mountain climbing that lead to his sudden and tragic death- a fall from which he could not save himself. So violent was his death that the pain his father feels today far exceeds any comfort he can glean from the memories of his childhood. For Wolterstorff, "the pain of the no-more outweighs that gratitude of the once was"(p.13). He writes of the 'silence' that now fills him with grief; he reflects on how his son has departed forever- departed in the briefest of moments. He thinks of how only his own death as a father will ever take the pain away. There lies a deep irony in this tragedy- that it was the majestic mountains, "beauty pure from the hand of God" that took his son's life (p.19). As a consequence, Eric's words may be forgotten and his contributions to society lost, "cut down at the peak of vitality" (p.24).
Today Wolterstorff grieves through tears choosing to remember his son through constant daily reminders. He does not hide the memories- the clothes, the objects, the photos. Indeed the words of Jesus in his last moments, "do this in remembrance of me" ring true for his own emotional healing. He must keep remembering. Death is awful- demonic even. After such a tragedy death still stalks. He feels overwhelmed sometimes by the sense that he has to live the rest of his life without Eric. Yet as a grieving father, Wolterstorff's liturgy at his son's funeral tells of a hope beyond the grave- "Those who believe in [Christ], though they die, yet shall they live" [p.38]. Quoting from John Donne, he also writes of his belief in a purpose for our lives- 'translators' that reveal God's glory during our time here on earth.
Still, having touched his dead son's body in all its coldness and lifelessness, Wolterstorff lives today with the wounds of unanswered questions. Why did God let his son die in such a horrific accident? Why, after twenty five years was his life smashed in an instant? How can God, the maker of heaven and earth, have allowed this to happen? Such questions inevitably haunt Wolterstorff as he lives on with the ongoing alternation between lament and faith in God. He often sees life as darkness and does not know if in such darkness he will ever find the light of God. He is deeply afflicted by the seemingly trivial- by the innocent questions of those who do not know what has happened, "How many children do you have?" or, "What are your children doing now?". He lives with the regrets of the things he did not do with his son- the times that he did not play with him. But in all of this, he lives in hope of the 'Great Day' when he and his son will be able to embrace. That desire surely a loving God must grant.
Wolterstorff's suffering bears witness to the love that he had for his son. He suffers because he loved. Jesus' second most important commandment to us was to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mathew 33 vs 39). In loving others, we show our love for God. In commanding us to love, Jesus was also commanding us to suffer. In the face of this suffering over death, Wolterstorff has risen up, albeit wounded, in victory through faith in a living God. Yes, Wolterstorff holds intensely to the hope of a reunion with his son in the city of heaven, however that may be. But until then, goodbye is all he can say. He mourns deeply, very deeply. With all its advancement, technology has not been able to overcome death. But Wolterstorff indicates his hope in an eternal perspective.
I close here with the words Wolterstorff chose from the biblical book of Revelation as part of the requiem that he commissioned for Eric- words through which to live in hope:
"We have seen a great mystery: We shall all be changed. We shall be raised in Christ as we were buried in Christ. Death is swallowed up in victory. The dwelling of God will be with his people. God will wipe every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more. There shall be no mourning, no crying no pain; sorrow and sighing shall flee away. For the old things are disappearing"
(Revelation 21)
Right up there with A Grief Observed
Rating:
I actually have a small library of grief books compiled since my 24 year old son died in January 2006. In the early days, I sensed that much of what I was reading would need to be re-read at various points in my journey and it has proven to be true. I could not take in or make sense of my feelings in relation to what I was reading until some time had passed. Prof. Wolterstorff's book has been a mainstay, and I find new thoughts upon a third or fourth reading. Describing the loss of passion and joy for life, he says, "Instead of rowing, I float. The joy that comes my way I savor. But the seeking, the clutching, the aiming, is gone.....What the world gives, I still accept. But what it promises, I no longer reach for. I've become an alien in the world, shyly touching it as if it's not mine. I don't belong anymore." Exactly.
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