Miss America by Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love
Selected Book Details
- Paperback
- Author: Marilyn Van M. Derbur
- Publisher: Oak Hill Ridge Pr
- Release Date: May 2004
- ISBN-10: 0972829857
- ISBN-13: 9780972829854
- List Price: $16.95
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Summaries and Customer Reviews provided by Amazon
SummaryMarilyn Van Derbur shares her courageous search for healing from incest. In this long-awaited book, Marilyn, a former Miss America, tells the story of how she was sexually violated by her father from age five to age 18. She was 53 years old before she was able to speak the words in public: "I am an incest survivor." Van Derbur describes in detail what specific "work" she did on her successful journey from victim to survivor. Using her story as the scaffolding, she shares knowledge and insights she has gained after talking personally with adult survivors in the 225 cities in which she has spoken. Van Derbur also gives the hope that a richly satisfying and long lasting marriage is possible if healing is passionatelyl pursued. |
Customer Reviews
Average Rating: 
A Woman of Tremendous Faith and Courage
Rating:
Money, wealth, influence, power cover up so many things and make certain people untouchable - this is how it was with Marilyn's father. No one could touch him because he was so wealthy, powerful, and feared. So, he got away with committing incest on his daughters throughout their childhood and teenage years. What is wrong with men like this? They think they can get away with everything because they do!!! No one holds them accountable because they cannot be touched! I hope he is paying for his crimes now.
I have read this book 3 or 4 times now, and there are certain parts that I read and re-read. Marilyn is a woman of such courage, strength, faith, and confidence. I can relate to her because she puts that smile on her face and everyone thinks everything is fine and dandy, but sometimes a smile just covers up all the pain - I know. I have not experienced incest, however I have experienced sexual abuse and sexual assault. I always blamed myself because no one was there to provide assistance for me. I got counseling for myself only as an adult, and still have not uncovered and dealt with everything that I would like to.
This book is so helpful in understanding how powerful, yet insecure and hurtful people intimidate and traumatize others to do their will. And, the victims so often suffer in silence because society doesn't see, doesn't want to see, doesn't care, or cannot do enough about the situation to improve it or stop it - ie - Mr. vanDerber being untouchable due to his power.
This is such a sad, but powerful story. Marilyn found ways to survive and protect herself when her "mother" could not and would not. One is as bad as the other - the mother who allowed her husband to rape their daughters AND the father who raped his daughters, repeatedly, for YEARS! People are sooooooo sick! At times, this book was just too overwhelming for me to read, but I always went back to it and kept going. It is the book that I still pick up and read because I am just so amazed at Marilyn's courage and strength in herself. She is also so blessed to have such a wonderful husband - and the preacher who helped them when they were teens. Where are the rest of the good men out there? Are there any more?
A "must read" - especially for parents
Rating:
Heart-breaking, scary, uplifting, well-written, informative, and ultimately triumphant. I cried through most of it, and then bought copies for friends and for my children's school. Also, if you have any issues that are unresolved from childhood (sexual or otherwise) there are many gems of wisdom for you in this book.
Courage to Begin my healing journey
Rating:
I found this book after browsing the Miss America website when I wasn't even looking for it. I truly believe God was guiding me to find it. In His infinite wisdom, He knew I was ready to face my childhood sexual trauma and this book helped me gather up the courage to begin my therapy. Marilyn Van Derbur is now on the top of my list of "Famous People I'd Love to Meet". Her book is so riveting and yet humbling at the same time. The more I read the more I identified with her on similar behaviors and actions. I had no idea how much turmoil was caused by my sexual abuse and am so very grateful to have made this "accidental" book discovery.
My husband has also read this book and as many other reviewer have stated, it helped him to gain an insight into my world that I couldn't explain. He has always believed me but until now he has a more compassionate understanding of how my life was shaped by my past.
Thank you from the depths of my soul, Marilyn Van Derbur Atler, for sharing your story and wisdom with such grace and elegance! You are truly a gift from God!
Incest is Exposed to Educate Us, Make Us Want to Help
Rating:
This is an awesome book and I cannot believe it has not gotten more coverage. I have friends and relatives who suffer from incest abuse and while my heart always hurt for them, I did not understand the depth until I read this book. She has such a way of writing with honesty, clarity that we see it with our hearts, not just our minds. I know it was hard for her to come out and expose the dirty laundry in her family but she did it to help thousands of others who are now suffering from the same thing she did. This book also lets us know this occurs in all types of homes, the educated and rich as well as the poor and uneducated. It knows no boundaries. This is a remarkable woman, and I am so glad she was Ms. America.
Wise, pithy, insightful
Rating:
This book is a gem and given the fact that it was published in 2003 it should have received hundreds of reviews by now. 'Miss America by Day' is an eye-opener into the mental and physical havoc incest can cause in its victim - often decades after the abuse has happened. If you have been sexually abused, if you know someone who has, if you want to protect your children from abuse, start with this brilliant work! Ms. van Derbur deals with this painful topic that secretly affects the lives of so many people in a most gentle, understanding and enlightening manner. I do not believe there is a better author out there who can educate the reader on this horrific topic in a calmer, more informative manner. She gives voice to millions of victims and teaches us how to deal with the immeasurable, life-long suffering caused by so-called 'upstanding' citizens and those who choose to look the other way rather than protect a child (her mother! Her mother was anything BUT a mother! Perhaps the 'mother' was also a child abuse victim). Even if you are fortunate not to have to deal with child abuse, do educate yourself. You could make a huge difference in the life of a loved one! Thank you, Marilyn, for so bravely sharing your story and extending your hands and heart to all victims! This book is a classic and should be on every shelf in every home.
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